Updated: Mar 1
If you've ever broken up with someone who is a narcissist you know that it's extremely hard to just "move on" after the breakup. There are many reasons for this but there are so many layers to your internal battle as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, there really isn't one reason for why it is so tough to move on from them.
The narcissist takes zero responsibility for their actions.
Narcissist takes 0 responsibility for their actions and instead blames others for their mistakes. This is one of the most damaging forms of gaslighting because it erodes your sense of self-worth and makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you for not being able to figure out why your partner won’t listen to reason or take responsibility for their actions. The narcissist may also gaslight you by denying that certain events happened at all. This can have a devastating effect on your sense of reality and can make you feel like you’re going crazy. The narcissist might also gaslight you by giving you false information and then claiming that they never said anything. This is often done as a way of avoiding responsibility for their actions or to make themselves look better in your eyes.
Your vulnerability in your tears
The narcissist will often use your emotions against you. This may be done by manipulating your feelings of love into guilt, or making you feel responsible for their sadness or anger. They may also use your emotions as a way of getting what they want from you, such as money or gifts. The narcissist will often try to make you feel like you are responsible for their feelings and happiness. They may do this by giving you the silent treatment or making it seem like everything is your fault. The narcissist might also gaslight you by giving you false information and then claiming that they never said anything. This is often done as a way of avoiding responsibility for their actions or to make themselves look better in your eyes.
Your emotions have been left with either rage or just indifference and you are not sure how to feel. The narcissist will often try to make you feel like your emotions are wrong and that they are right. You may find yourself feeling confused about what is going on, as well as questioning your own sanity. This can lead to a loss of self-esteem and low self-worth. you feel like you are going crazy and wonder what is happening. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells or that everything is your fault. The narcissist will often use gaslighting as a way of making you doubt yourself and question your reality.
None of your questions have been answered
None of your questions have been answered and you're left feeling confused and alone. You may feel like there is something wrong with you, or that you are responsible for the abuse. It's important to remember that this person has done this to many people before and will do it again. It's not your fault. You are not responsible for the narcissist's behavior, and they are not entitled to your emotions or energy. You deserve better than what this person has done to you. if you are someone who has been abused by a narcissist, please know that you are not alone. There is help and support out there. Go to a therapist or join an online support group where you can talk to people who understand what it's like. Read books on narcissism as well as books about codependency. There are many resources available for survivors of narcissistic abuse.
And on top of the trauma bond and the broken heart that comes from being rejected by someone you love, there's also the trauma of betrayal and abuse. Narcissists are masters at gaslighting and breaking down their victims until they believe that nothing is ever their fault. They also use other tactics such as projection, blame shifting, etc. to make it seem like you're the problem when in fact it's them.
Navigating the grief
Your also navigating the grief of someone that didn't even exist in the first place. Your mourning over a person that you thought was real, but in reality they were just an empty shell. A projection of your hopes and dreams onto someone who never truly cared about you at all.
It can be difficult to deal with these things on top of your own trauma from childhood abuse or other traumas that may have happened in your life before meeting the narcissist. The best thing to do is seek support and talk about it with people who've been through this themselves or professionals who can help guide you through this process.
Your support system
Then as your support system friends and family are trying to support you and be loving and they unintentionally may even gaslight you to make you feel like you’re being overly dramatic or that this isn't really abuse. But it is. And it's okay to hurt from the loss of an abusive relationship, even if it was just a friendship or a romantic relationship. It can be hard to deal with these things on top of your own trauma from childhood abuse or other traumas that may have happened in your life before meeting the narcissist. The best thing to do is seek support and talk about it with people who've been through this themselves or professionals who can help guide you through this process.
They don't understand the trauma bond they don't understand what narcissistic abuse is and they don't understand the trauma bond. If you're trying to explain it to someone, you might as well be speaking in a foreign language. They just won't get it. And that's okay! But you need people who can support you and help guide you through this process of healing.
You're not alone
You're not alone, it is not your fault. There are people out there who can help you, but you have to seek them out. You can't rely on the narcissist for support because they will only use it against you. Section: what is a trauma bond? The trauma bond is a psychological phenomenon where the abused person stays in an abusive relationship due to fear of leaving and being alone. The victim feels as though they are bonded to their abuser, and this bond can be difficult to break. It's similar to Stockholm syndrome, where the person being held captive ends up sympathizing with the hostage-taker. A trauma bond is a very real thing that happens in dangerous situations, like when you're dealing with an abusive partner. It can take years for someone suffering from a trauma bond to finally break free from it.